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The Weekender – w25 – 25 Mar 2017


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W1  D1  L2

GF: 10    GA: 6




Do you want a game of penultimate?  The rules are simple.  You lean back on your chair whilst the teacher’s back is turned, holding on by just your feet then reach back to see if you can throw your neighbour’s homework out of the window without a) being stopped by your, now rather overexcited, neighbour, b) being caught by the teacher, or c) falling over completely resulting in (a), (b) and a trip to the san for a badly grazed elbow and bruised ego.

OK, so maybe you think you’re a little bit past that kind of thrill-seeking, but this is how the season is unfolding for the three sides whose official season is in it’s penultimate week.  And whilst the rest of us have finished their official season those actually on the pitch probably don’t have that same sensation of waiting for the result to come in on whichever media platform is going to be updated first.  But it is rather like the moment when you realise that you don’t quite have the poise and balance you thought you had and are only a sneeze away from landing on the floor in a cacophony of cheap moulded plastic and metal tubing.

In the event we only had one win today as M1 were unable to unlock their hosts at the top of Div 4 and L1’s frenemies were more successful in the league than they had been in the trophy quarter-finals.  And so Team of the Week must go to L2 who not only won when it mattered but won convincingly with a perfect pair of HT and CS which is a sure fire way (usually..) to earn yourself the award.

L2 started the day level on points with the top two sides and with fourth place only a point behind.  At the close of play all four had won and as a result, none have dropped out of the race for the title which now goes into the final day.  But L2 did their bit – and then some with a 7-0 drubbing of Hamble, away.  Frida Kenning took up Fox-hunting to particularly good effect with no fewer than five goals whilst Velvet Elson (who, I understand, just NEVER passes) scored two.  Lauren Slack claimed another clean sheet.  One game left now.  All they can do is win it – the rest is in the hands of the gods.  But they can still finish anywhere from first to fourth on the final day of the season.

M1 were unable to keep out a determined and organised Hamble and finished 1-3 down which means that their hosts take the title.  Tom Hutson scored the goal.  Haslemere’s win means that M1 are now third and must now win their final game away to the second placed side.  A draw, or worse, will mean just missing out on returning to Division 3 at the first attempt.

L1 lost 1-2 at home to Fareham, whom they defeated in order to reach the trophy semi-final.  Ellie Williams claimed the goal this time.  This was not a humiliation, however, and they will still be keeping one eye on their trophy game on 9th April, even though they travel to sixth side Hamble in their final league game next.

The final game of the week was L3 who travelled to Trojans and returned with a well-earned point in a 1-1 draw.  The free-scoring Su Smith was on the score sheet in this one.  They have one final game on Saturday – away to Basingstoke.




Plenty more action from the juniors this week.

Firstly the U16 boys won 5-0 away to Alton to continue their dominance of the league.  Two goals from Ollie Bradgate and one each from Nathan Holifield, Ely Coleman and Sam Logan secured a clear victory.  Toby Jackson claimed his sixth Junior clean sheet.

Five was also the order of the day for the U14 girls who saw off Chichester 5-3 down in Sussex.  A hat-trick from Frida Kenning (you may have heard of her) was added to by Molly Kelly and Lucy Rutherford to complete the victory.

The Minis, meanwhile, had their final tournament of the season at Camberley & Farnborough.

This was a day of mixed results, but plenty of goals and more goals scored and wins than goals conceded and defeats, leaving them with an overall successful day out, and a sunny one at that.




The season total has now reached 368 which means we are now only 20 behind the 2013-14 total with six (or seven) games remaining.  When we needed 53 goals in the final 16 games I doubted we could challenge this total, but it seems the teams are unwavering in their task and only need to keep up the current score rate to reach (or beat) this sum.  The projection is a little pessimistic still, but what do the bookies know..?

Having hit the ramp, GD has never looked back.  In fact we haven’t had a negative GD in eleven weeks.  So here’s to three more!

On the team front, M1 now have the very serious prospect of facing down L2 on the final day. There’s more than promotion to be played for here.

The full season’s GS chart also appears on the ‘Season Report page.




This juggernaut just won’t stop and has now reached 64.  Someone once suggested that reaching 60 would be a challenge.  Pah, what do they know?  (Rhetorical)




Toby has managed to keep the rest at bay with his brace earned at the start of the month whilst Lauren finishes in second place with Emily just behind in third.

Chair tipping, GK style or “Look at my hard-earned CS…”

Special mention, too, to Graham for his third outing between the sticks.

Emily moves up another place to fifth in the season’s table on games played whilst the overall GA average remains on 2.3.

The season’s GK table is on the ‘Season Report page.




A hat-trick and a clean sheet for L2 this week as they continue to challenge M1 in both tables.

Frida adds her third HT to the table which takes L2 level with M1.  This is definitely going to the wire.


Lauren’s unbeatable seventh clean sheet overall, and fourth for L2 means that L2 win the CS award as they can’t now be caught.

1-1 this week between Attack and Defence means that the Defence hold on to their slim lead going into the final league weekend.




This competition is now over, but there are more important prizes still at stake, so nobody will be taking their foot off the pedal just yet.




Frida’s fifer takes her to the top of the pile for March with enormous stats of 14-3.  The Fox will be astounded to have come second with 10-2, a total that would have cleaned up in any other month.  Bernice’s far from shameful 7-2 is only enough to put her in third spot.

Meanwhile the real threat is from the late runner, Su who puts her name firmly on the chart with her first ever goal.  Ever.  At all.  Marvellous!


As you all know, the front runner for the season is far ahead of all the rest.  Yes, it’s Frida with a mind-boggling 45 goals for the club.

But don’t wory, Fox, you’re still doing a jolly good job.  Well done.

OK, so maybe it isn’t entirely fair to include Junior goals.  But then again, who said I was going to be fair..?

But look at the totals – 368 goals, 74 scorers and 24 hat-tricks.  You have got to love that.

The full season’s table is available on the ‘Season Report page.



This is it!  Three games.  Three cup finals.  You know you just have to go and support at least one of the sides out there.  It’ll be edge-of-the-seat stuff.

L2 are at home at 12:30 and must win to have a chance at promotion, or possibly league Champions – but you will have to log in to other results too.

M1 are in Haslemere at 15:30 in their must-win promotion decider.  I expect there to be a convoy of fans flitting from one to the other in pursuit of glory.

And then there is the Semi-Final for L1 at home at 14:00 on 9th April -you really mustn’t miss that.

There won’t be a Weekender next week as the Asylum has denied me a pass for the week but we will be back with a bumper edition following the Semi-Final with (I hope) photographs too.  Good luck to all three in the respective exploits!


Match Reports

Weather Forecast

Monday 07/23 10%
Mostly clear. Low 15C.
Partly Cloudy
Tomorrow 07/24 20%
Partly Cloudy
Partly cloudy skies. Slight chance of a rain shower. High 28C. Winds SW at 15 to 25 km/h.
Partly Cloudy
Wednesday 07/25 10%
Partly Cloudy
Partly cloudy. High 29C. Winds W at 10 to 15 km/h.