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The Weekender – w23 – 11 Mar 2017


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W6  D0  L1

GF: 31    GA: 13




Thirty-one goals!  And at a rate of 4.4 a game.  This was also achieved without conceding any more – in fact the GA per game was down on last week, in spite of the extra game.  There were six wins, a six goal win and a six-goal scorer.  This was Sixey stuff!  Six on toast.  Six with sticks.  Enough?  OK, I’ll stop now.

So what went right?  Well M1 had their scoring (if not their defensive) boots on whilst L2 went on the rampage against the bottom side (although they, too, let in a number of goals) whilst the other sides, including the single losing side, were frugal in defence.  All of which ebullience yielded a +16 Goal Difference, breaking the mould of mildly positive GD since the turn of the year.

What matters, though, is Team of the Week selection.  And with so many winners it it tempting to give it to M3 for their heroics against the leaders.  But the TotW Committee, with it’s extensive membership and global reputation for fairness and impartiality (OK, it’s one Elf with a coin, but that’s semantics), decided by a narrow vote that it might this week go to a winning side.  Which didn’t narrow it down much so there was more work to do (for ‘work’, read ‘beer’ and for ‘do’ -well you’ll have to figure out what you need to do to beer to make an equitable decision).  Having looked at the double digit scoreline of L2, the eleven goal thriller of M1 and convincing wins for both L1 and M2, it soon became clear amidst the fog of the dregs at the bottom of another pint that a win by a five-goal margin against a side six places higher in the league should probably clinch the title.  And so, after much unnecessary prevaricating, the Team of the Week was M4 for their demolition of Swanage and Wareham.

M4 hosted Swanage & Wareham and with a hat-trick from Chris Heeps together with debut goals from Ely Coleman and Liam Cradden, ably assisted by a goal from Will George, they concluded their 6-1 win.  The win sees them climb to ninth.  It would have been more but Aldershot & Farnham (8th), whom they face on Saturday, beat Trojans (now 7th) and Yateley (now 6th), who face Trojans in their last game, won too. Meanwhile, bottom side Poole have no fewer that four games left, including their last against M4 on 8 April.

L2 visited bottom side City of Portsmouth where they added another seven to the host’s Goal Deficit of -113 in their 10-3 win.  Bernice Gunn scored a double hat-trick with Frida Kenning getting (merely) one hat-trick whilst Faye Williams was also on target.  With second and third also winning and the leaders slipping up at home, L2, whilst still fourth, are now only three points off leaders, Basingstoke, who are their visitors next.

L1 kept the only clean sheet of the day in their 2-0 win at home to the Isle of Wight.  Ellen Knighton and Lucy Dale-Heaps scored the goals with Emily Wall bagging the all important clean sheet.  They remain in seventh and are odds-on to keep that place as they are four points from sixth and six points ahead of eighth.

M2 hosted Basingstoke and came out 4-1 winners.  The goals were shared between Simon Islip, Jon Humphreys, Dan Dolding and Kyle McFadzean.  Only a shot deflected off a defender’s stick that looped over Dan Wall’s outstretched stick prevented them keeping a clean sheet.  They climb two places to fourth.

M1 travelled to Fareham where they recorded their fifteenth win of the season with a 6-5 result.  Matt Viney, David Fox and Josh Dolding each scored twice.  They would have hoped to prevent more, but the three points was the most important statistic of the day to keep promotion hopes alive as both leaders Hamble and third placed Haslemere both won.

M3 visited invincible leaders, Alton (P:15, W:15).  They put up a sterling fight but Alton showed their organisation to hold out for the narrowest of wins as it finished 0-1.  They remain sixth and will be fighting to retain this position in their final game.




No, I’ve no idea either.

A special section for L1 this week who pulled off a brilliant Quarter-Final win over frenemies, Fareham.  The final score was 3-2 with Ellen Knighton, Molly Kelly and Lucy Dale Heaps the scorers.  The remarkable part of this game was that it was an away trip to a side that have, historically, had bragging rights.  Fareham also won the same fixture in the league 2-0 and are currently nine points ahead of L1.  The win gives them a home Semi-Final tie on 9th April against Petersfield -push back is at 2pm.  I hope to see you all there, banners waving!  The reward is a final at our home pitches, so there is much to play for.





The opportunities for the end of the season are immense with almost every side with something to play for -including three realistic Champion-shaped opportunities.

One bonus is that, subject to the God of post-season league re-shuffling (see M1 2015-16) none of the sides can now be relegated.




U14 boys did their homework on the stats front and realised that to win a game you need to score seven.  And so they did in their 7-5 win over Yateley.  Nathan Holifield scored no fewer than five with Callum Abley and Will George ensuring they made the magic figure.  Nathan is now top Junior scorer




The season total now stands at 335 goals which excesses have raised the prospect of reaching the 2013-14 total of 388.  This would mean scoring another 53 goals in the final 17 games, but X1 are about to enter the foray in their first, and only, game of the season so we’re all saved.

I think it’s dead.  There is very little response.  Perhaps we should just turn the machine off.  No – WAIT!  There’s a pulse.  Goal Difference is alive!

On the team front, M1 had it all sewn up – or so they thought.  L2 have only gone and added 14 to their goal difference in the past two weeks taking them to within four of M1’s total.

The full season’s GS chart also appears on the ‘Season Report page.




Any more and it would be vertical.  With an 86% win rate over the weekend this makes the seasons Win percentage a whopping 45%.  It is also the most wins we have had in over six seasons.




Emily’s clean sheet moves her up to second, just ahead of her husband, although he has the best GA average for the month.

Emily moves up to sixth in the season’s table whilst the overall GA average has now fallen to 2.3.

The season’s GK table is on the ‘Season Report page.




No fewer than four hat-tricks this week.  It’s my fault, really, for suggesting L2 weren’t as good in attack as M1.  They clearly are and the contest for top HT squad is going to the wire.

Bernice adds two and Frida one to their tally with Chris adding his name to a very busy table.  Chris also sees M4 put on the map whilst L1 are clearly waiting to do it in style in their Semi-Final.

Emily recorded the only clean sheet this week that sees L1 move onto three for the season.

Another competition going to the wire is that of Attack v Defence, which the Attack won convincingly this week, 4-1.

The Defence are now only three ahead, 24-21, with 17 games to go.




M1 and L3 can still win this, but it’s getting harder.

Two wins for L2 will ensure victory.




Bernice’s double hat-trick fires her up to second place – just behind Frida who must have been thinking no-one could catch her from there.

Well you had better watch out as the free-scoring Chris Heeps bagged a hat-trick and goal-hanging Matt Viney also claimed two (OK, his first goals since March 2015, but once you get that engine fired up…).


The Fox was back on target this week to defend his title place whilst Bernice moves into a podium position as leading lady.

The full season’s table is available on the ‘Season Report page.



There is no NJ award again this week as the Elves have been too busy with the excitement of the close of season.

What’s that?  You want an award?

OK then, it goes to Alan Dow for ‘nominating himself the NJ award on the grounds that you don’t get an award if you nominate yourself’ thereby proving the Law of Unintended Consequences still holds true.

But to less trivial matters:  It’s the Festival!

Hampshire’s finest ale is on tap.  All of Hampshire’s finest Hockey Club are on pitch with titles to be decided, goals to be scored.

It’s going to be dry (the weather, not the bar) and the perfect temperature for hockey so bring friends and family and come and play / support / drink all of the President’s beer.

We’re going to have a party!


Match Reports

Weather Forecast

Monday 07/23 10%
Mostly clear. Low 15C.
Partly Cloudy
Tomorrow 07/24 20%
Partly Cloudy
Partly cloudy skies. Slight chance of a rain shower. High 28C. Winds SW at 15 to 25 km/h.
Partly Cloudy
Wednesday 07/25 10%
Partly Cloudy
Partly cloudy. High 29C. Winds W at 10 to 15 km/h.